These are rewritten and copied so much that no-one knows who wrote them anymore (if you do, let me know). So here they are again, rewritten and copied once more...

Good News/Bad News

Bishop to Pope: "I have good news and bad news."

Pope: "What's the good news?"

Bishop: "God is alive."

Pope: "That's very good news - what's the bad news?"

Bishop: "She's dancing with the Witches at Fort Hood."

 

Q: If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich?
 

Q: What's the difference between a New Ager and a Pagan?
A: A decimal point. An item you'll pay $300 to a New Ager for, you can get from a local Pagan for $30.
 

Q: How do you tell a New Age witch from a NeoPagan Witch?
A: You throw them both in the water. The NeoPagan Witch will float, whereas the New Age Witch will sink under the weight of all their overpriced crystals....
 

Q: What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A: He goes Qua-ballistic.

Q: How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...

Q: How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a light bulb?
A: You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.

Q: How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a light bulb?
A: Not sure.....we'll call Z. Budapest and get back to you!

Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in Stone Circles.

Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen! One to hold the bulb and 12 to drink enough to make the room spin.

Q: How many Isians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to handle publicity, and one to write the newsletter.

Q: How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!

Q: How many British Traditional Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.

Q: How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's a third degree secret.

Q: How many years does it take a Gardnerian witch to change a light bulb?
A: A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.

Q: How many Alexandrian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"

Q: How many Starhawk Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (plaintively) "There are starving villages in Africa that don't even HAVE light bulbs..."

Q: How many years does it take a Starhawk Witch to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it depends how hard you study, but you can do it now if you are solitary.

Q: How many years does it take for a solitary Witch to change a light bulb?
A: How long does it take to get one out of the closet?

Q: How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb?
A: Its already been changed.

Q: How many years does it take a White Light Wiccan to change a light bulb?
A: Look deep within and find your true essence. That will tell you how long it will take.

Q: How many Frost "School of Wicca" Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYWHERE! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."

Q: How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. One for each quarter.

Q: How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a leigh?
A: Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.

Q: How many Buckland Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."

Q: How many Pagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.

Q: How many Thelemites does it take....
A: None, Every One of them is a Star.

Q: How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What do you want it changed into?

Q: How many Witches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they do it in Great Rites.

Q: How many Golden Dawners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to hold the ladder, one to hold the bulb, three to decipher the Light Bulb Ritual from the Secret Chiefs, one to publish it, and one to sue all the others.

Q: How many NRDers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 14. One to do it, one to write poetry about it, and 12 to hold a Council and decide whether or not the poem's authentic.


        

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